In honor of the feast of the Presentation of the Lord into the Temple, or as I prefer to think of it, Candlemas (because I can thus easily imagine myself the vicar’s wife of Barsetshire or Shepperton, 18–), I decided to become Crafty. I initially pictured myself making beautiful beeswax candles in Sunday School that we could take to church to be blessed. There were only two problems with this first idea: large quantities of hot wax and the children. Plan B involved decorating mason jars with the children and then filling them with wax and a wick in their absence. However, this would eventually leave us with several Very Special empty decorated mason jars that I would never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever be allowed to throw away. As a general (read: absolutely non-negotiable) rule, I prefer crafts that can be either eaten, destroyed, or used entirely up in some fashion. At a loss to invent Plan C, I turned to the fount of all crafting wisdom and knowledge:

Carefully rejecting anything that looked too exotic or dangerous (after all, I didn’t want to burn the house down!), I found this simple craft, made with “everyday things everyone has in the house.” I was quite optimistic that the Pickwickian pantry would be better stocked for crafts than science experiments, and I hadn’t even emptied the recycle bin this week so we had to be set. In case you are also feeling especially crafty this week, here are the instructions for:

“Pickwickian Candlemas Perfection: A Craft”

Materials List:

• White pillar candles, one per child
• Black acrylic paint/paintbrushes
• Glitter glue
• Tissue paper
• Wax paper
• Hair dryer

Process:

1. Briefly look over the directions on the internet on the night before Craft Day and fall asleep daydreaming of the creative bliss you are about to unleash.
2. Wake up and remember that you will have to run to the store and get the pillar candles as you don’t actually have any, not even in the recycle bin.
3. Break the news gently to Fr Pickwick that you’d like to exit the house without the children “just for a few minutes, super quick, honestly.” Make bacon for breakfast to soften the blow.
4. Remember while making bacon that you are out of wax paper. And tissue paper. And that you maybe don’t want to use the black acrylic paint that you have in a set with other colors because then the amount in each tube will not be the same. You should probably get new black acrylic paint, just especially for this Craft Day. (It is actually just as difficult as it sounds to find crafts that use exactly equal amounts of color. It is why I do not paint on a regular basis.)
5. Remember incidentally that you also do not own a hairdryer. Never have owned a hair dryer. Know instinctively without even looking that there is no hair dryer in the recycle bin, either. Wonder if investing in a hair dryer is overkill for a craft. Check the fount of all hair-drying wisdom and knowledge and discover that hair dryers can be purchased for $9.94!! All these years of borrowing a friend’s to shrink-wrap the windows for winter has only saved $9.94? The craft and the children, not to mention the windows, are worth it. The Pickwicks are about to own a hair dryer.
6. Be grateful that you do have a full supply of paintbrushes and will not have to purchase everything on the list, just some glitter glue. Feel good about your stock of craft supplies.
7. Do a load of laundry, explain square roots, make lunch, put Baby P down for a nap, and run to the store for supplies. Confidently inform the rest of the Pickwicks that you will be home before Baby P wakes up.
8. Listen to Baby P wake up as you head to the car.
9. Stop at store A. They might have candles the cheapest. They do, but only two. Move on to store B. As you are leaving A, the cashier is requesting anyone with jumper cables to assist a stranded customer. Go check the car for jumper cables, despite having no idea what to do with them if you should happen to find them. Upon finding no jumper cables, have a few minutes of internal debate about whether you should add jumper cables to your list for B and then return to save the day, since apparently jumper cables might be handy in the future as well. Decide it’s rather unlikely that is the fastest solution to the problem and leave, feeling guilty for neglecting to help your neighbor.
   Time: 13 minutes driving, 15 minutes in store, Cost: $0
10. Store B. They have Everything Here. $9.94 hair dryer? Check. Wax paper, tissue paper? Check. Black acrylic paint sold in a single tube? Check. White pillar candles? Well, not quite check. There were only three. Perhaps everyone is Candlemas crafting this week. Consider purchasing taller pillar candles for $5 instead of $1. Decide the craft and the children are, er, not worth it. You can always run back to A for the other two. Purchase an iron because the hair dryer reminded you that yours is unusable due to a melted adhesive substance covering it entirely after you attempted to iron the edges of the basement carpets. Purchase some Chocolate Peanut Butter Lara Bars because no one is with you to ask you for one while you eat it in the car. Purchase other assorted miscellaneous items that you haven’t had in the house for months, years, or ever, but seem Very Essential to your quality of life all of a sudden, which is, after all, how the Everything Store does such phenomenal business.
    Time: 4 minutes driving, 30 minutes in store, Cost: $38
11. Return to store B and feel an immediate rush of guilt because you forgot all about the jumper cables and what if that poor person is still stranded, abandoned and losing their faith in the goodness of their fellow creatures?? Cast a surreptitious glance at the customer service and feel a rush of relief that no one is awaiting rescue. Buy the other two candles.
    Time: 4 minutes driving, 7 minutes in store, Cost: $2
12. Stop at Store C on the way home because you remembered that matches, though not specifically listed in the materials, may be necessary to this craft at some point and you are out. Become inspired by the sight of tea lights next to the matches with a brilliant idea for a lesson extension and notice with surprise that C also carries pillar candles, meaning you could have accomplished the whole list (perhaps minus the miscellaneous Essentials) at C, two minutes from home. But you Never Would Have Guessed they had pillar candles. Decide to pick up a few more pillar candles, just in case.
    Time: 11 minutes driving, 10 minutes in store, Cost: $8
13. Arrive home, insist you have no idea how it took 1 hour, 36 minutes, and $48. Consider telling Fr P that you had to purchase jumper cables and rescue a stranded motorist because it sounds much more heroic than studiously comparing the height of pillar candles and splurging on a spur-of-the-moment iron, but alas, that would be a deception.
    Time: 2 minutes driving, 14 minutes explaining
14. Make dinner, prepare materials for craft.
15. Have Sunday School cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances, put the children to bed, and have a lovely time crafting while they sleep. “Practicing” will not only give you an example so you can do the craft with the small Pickwicks tomorrow, but also works out a few quirks in the directions. For instance, just how important it is to wear gloves while holding the candle and blowing the hair dryer as close as possible on the highest heat setting. For the best effect, you should wear your best vintage gloves since they are the only ones you have, that way you can worry about getting wax on them while you work.

The small Pickwickian crafters did enjoy decorating their candles the next day. Some of them are blue because I decided fairly early in the process that markers would be a little safer for some of the little fingers. There was only a brief moment where a Feisty Pickwick somehow managed to simultaneously wield a permanent marker, a tube of black paint, and the glitter glue. Besides a large wax spot on the dining room carpet where I dropped a candle (really, the highest heat setting is Quite Hot, even while wearing vintage gloves), we all emerged on the other side of this fun and creative experience unscathed.

And, as a Small Pickwick pointed out: “You know, Mommy, I think that this hair dryer is not just for making candles! I think, when my hair is wet from the shower, we could use the hair dryer to blow the hot air onto it and make it dry!” See how a little creative project encourages children to think outside the box? Blessed Candlemas and Happy Crafting, everyone!