Grocery shopping at the local “scratch ‘n dent” deli is always an adventure. One never knows what treasures one will find. This week, Mrs P was met by an unprecedented sight: giant half-gallon glass jars of pickles were only $2.25!!

Mrs P could hardly contain her excitement as she gazed at the beautiful shelf of pickles. Where else indeed could one find half-gallon jars of such pleasing proportions for mere pocket-change? Not to mention the pickles. Before any snarky (though no less dear) readers point out that half-gallon jars are usually available for about $14 for six jars just about anywhere, allow Mrs P her moment of triumph for several reasons: One, Mrs P hasn’t been to any other stores for a while and has actually forgotten what one buys at said “other stores.” Two, these were not just any half gallon jars. These were the most aesthetically lovely jars, ever. These were not the tall and unwieldy canning jars of the average six pack. No, these jars-to-end-all-jars were compact, charming, and simply the most perfect pickle jars Mrs P had ever clapped eyes on. Three, the sheer thrill of the thrifty treasure seeker. Do you not know the pleasure of purchasing pickles knowing full well the whole time you are absolutely sneaking the jar itself out of the store explicitly to repurpose, for free??

The only question was, how many jars to take? How many pickles could the Pickwicks eat? Pickles are rather a delicacy in the Pickwick kitchen. Mrs P conservatively selected two jars, a modest gallon of pickles. They would be a huge treat, as Mrs P tends to never buy pickles. It is too much drama to handle. First Mrs P must lecture about the available Pickles-per-Pickwick ratio, then there are one million fingers in the jar and usually Sweet is chasing a moth somewhere else while the pickles are being served and misses out entirely and doesn’t find out until hours later that she missed the pickles and then Mrs P must yell about selfishness and pickles and gives the last one she intended for Fr P’s sandwich to Sweet instead and then discovers Busy in the closet feeding all of the pickle juice to the Baby (who is really much more of a little man about the place than a baby anymore, but still shaky about drinking several cups of pickle juice from a large and slippery glass jar) and then everyone is sad and eventually there are vinegary puddles and shards of glass involved and why we ever buy pickles is as much a mystery as why we ever buy olives which is an entirely other, equally dramatic topic.

As is easily imagined given the family history with fermented relish plates, excitement ran fairly high when Mrs Pickwick plunked down the pickle jar at snack time and blithely announced: “Eat as many pickles as you like!” and chuckled as she left the kitchen, envisioning the many happy snack times to come in which Pickwicks could eat three or possibly even seven pickle slices and not make a dent in the pickle supply.

The good news is, one jar was available immediately after snack time. Mrs P briefly considered that there were a lot of little Pickwicks after all, and maybe a half gallon of pickles was not an extreme PPP Ratio….

For the record, the Blessings ate enough pickles for themselves and their thirty-four closest friends and relations. For another record, Mrs Pickwick is not exaggerating when she says she feels like she is cooking for forty-one people. And for the final record, it is fortuitous that the Blessings can eat a half gallon of pickles in one sitting, because the next jar will need to be eaten…promptly.

**The pickles pictured at the top of this article are not affiliated with the Pickwicks and do not necessarily reflect the official pickles of the Pickwickian kitchen. The PPCR (Pickwick Pickle Consumption Rate) outstripped the PPRT (Pickwick Public Relations Team) by a long shot and there was not a snowball’s chance in…the tropics for a photo op of a full jar of pickles without significant risk to the photographer’s life and limb. However, these pickles, available on amazon, are now being considered for the 2020 Pickwick Pickle Label Appreciation Award. Any other fermented vegetables interesting in submitting nominations for the PPLAA are encouraged to do so below in the comments.