Something happens when I walk out of my front door. I immediately feel transported to an alternate reality, where nothing on my list (which seemed perfectly normal inside my house) is attainable by any human efforts whatsoever. Time also ceases to exist in any kind of earthly sense and I can only plead that when I am out and about, I am clearly in another dimension and can not be held responsible for the outcome of the errands, or the time of day in which I return.

For instance, though I was daunted by the Passport Episode, I thought since I survived that, surely I would be able to knock out a simple driver’s license in less than three trips. I was absolutely correct. It only took two. Before leaving the kitchen, I was sure that I collected multiple papers for “proof of address” and put them carefully in my purse. Somehow however, between that moment and my turn at the BMV, I discovered that I was only in possession of the only document from those papers which decidedly did not count as valid proof of address. Then I remembered that I did not put all of the utility bills in my purse to take to the BMV, I shredded them. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it was just the excitement of the new paper shredder in Fr Pickwick’s office. We’ve never had one before and I must have just gotten carried away.

So after I explained the whereabouts of my utility bills to the sympathetic staff of the BMV, we brainstormed a few other options. I told them I’d be happy to provide my passport, but while that seems to prove all sorts of things necessary to crossing European borders, it doesn’t actually prove your residence in any particular state (other than that of confusion). In the absence of any utility bills, they suggested a bank statement. I cheerfully and optimistically said I was sure it would be no problem, I would just run to the closest branch office of our bank and have them print a statement for me, though of course, we hadn’t had the account long enough to actually have a statement. But I thought if the bank employees were as obliging as the BMV appeared to be, perhaps they could just write a friendly note for me, explaining my existence, no, wait, I’ve got that, my residence.

And that is how, a few hours later, I had not only a lovely new license, but friends at both the BMV and a (somewhat) nearby bank, as well as a few really charming antique glass jars and very little idea how I was going to explain the last four hours, not to mention the presence of the charming jars. A little advice from Mrs P- always park several blocks away from your actual destination if you see interesting shops. Then you can truthfully say you were literally walking past the cute teapot on your way to the car.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, if you consider the situation from the perspective of the Pickwickian Budget), I would not face too much chastisement, as the only person more likely than me to be inveigled into an antique shop on their way to get a driver’s license is none other than Fr. Pickwick himself. So a few days later, he went to investigate the antique tools I may have casually mentioned as a slight distraction while I brought another jar into the kitchen. I mean, update his own license! Of course! It was also his second trip- he had made a trial run first, forgetting that in a previous life he was a truck driver, and if he wanted to keep his CDL, he would have to retake the test. He was pretty sure he could pass, but it would take a lot of extra study time to get 100% (which has no bearing on the license whatsoever, but we are both like that so at least we understand each other), so he spent a week in identity crisis trying to decide whether to put an official end to his big rig career or leave that door open in case at some point driving a large semi truck with a B+ on his conscience is just the thing the parish needs.

It’s always a relief to check errands off the list. We now both have current licenses, antique jars, a much better hand plane collection, and a copper tea kettle. The BMV is charging a fortune these days, though. I had to add an entirely new budget category for license updates.