After turning our world, and therefore our household accounts, upside down more than once over the past few months, it was time to pick up the pieces and put the Pickwicks back in order, at least on paper. I therefore present a completely objective and unembellished excerpt from the minutes of the most recent business meeting of the Pickwickian Establishment. Fr Pickwick will be represented in red, his favorite color on or off of a financial spreadsheet. The scene is after a casual breakfast, with plenty of coffee. Well-fed and well-caffeinated Pickwicks are much happier Pickwicks, and happy Pickwicks have much happier business meetings!
Fr Pickwick, who always prefers to begin a meeting on a triumphant note: So, I’ve located the tickets to Serbia! I would call that quite the accomplishment, except I shouldn’t have had to look for them.
Mrs. Pickwick: Well, but we did, and now we don’t. So it is an accomplishment. Before you run off, let’s go ahead and run over the budget.
Fr P leaps up from table and looks for most convenient exit: I think I hear my phone going off. It’s probably urgent. I can tell by the way it is not ringing loudly enough for anyone to hear. Likely a parishioner. You know, so I’ll just head off now and spread that mulch at Church. Or anything really. Anything at all.
Mrs P, confidently pressing forward and pouring more coffee: Now then, we just need to run over your spending categories and then we are all set. I’ve already categorized the main household, so it’s just personal. So, let’s talk about what you need.
Yes, I want to have a budget that covers my needs.
So, what are your needs?
Unpredictable.
Let’s go for something more specific.
Well, it’s just so difficult to tell what I’m going to need. I never know until I need it, and then I buy it.
Ok, well, the point of the budget is to at least try to anticipate some of the needs. So I think you should keep $50* for taking me and the girls out for treats and fun things.
Yes. And I think I need $50 for the church. Because I don’t want to bug them to reimburse every little thing.
Good, now we are getting somewhere.
And you can get rid of my book budget. (Deep Sigh) I think I have All The Books. Unless I get my phD. Then I will need a lot more books.
Ok, no book budget. (Yeah right buddy. I am going to make a secret book budget byline that I just won’t tell you about because then you will buy All The Other Books and I will be mad. I am a genius. Secret book budget: $50)
And I need a budget for Meetings.
Huh?
I think $40. Because, you know, people want to have meetings, and then we like to go out and I buy things. Cofffee, pasteries, lunch. You know. Meeting things.
Is this going to include your daily trip to the downtown coffee shop for evangelization purposes?
No. I need more budget for that. Or, (slaps table in admiration of budgeting brilliance) make it $50 for meetings and my coffee will count. And I need $50 for Hobbies. So I can save up for more woodworking tools and a viola de gamba. So, $50 for you guys, $50 for the Church, $50 for Meetings and $50 for Hobbies. Yeah, that’s All I Need. (Large sweeping gesture indicating one can purchase Everything for approximately $200 a month)
Ok, great, thanks for your attention and cooperation, this concludes our business meeting. (Secretly doubles budget)
Oh, but wait, I have more daydreams to talk about.
Well, this is a business meeting, not daydreams.
Ha! Budgets totally fall under the category of daydreams. I tell you that I need $50 dollars in my “Hobbies” byline, which means I am going to buy a viola de gamba. That is my daydream. You think it’s actually going to work, which is your part of the daydream.
Um, maybe we need to run over the spending categories again…
The Reality Is: There is money and I’m going to spend it!
*All numbers have been changed to protect the innocent budget categories, and may or may not have any bearing on the actual Pickwickian Budget. Which is, I am afraid, the actual state of the Pickwickian Budget.